ph: hollypotato
j.
You got me. You got me and you don’t want me. People keep telling me that this is just another crush. They keep apologizing for the fact that you don’t seem interested. They keep telling me that I should move on. What they don’t understand is that this is not your run of the mill crush. I don’t want to give up on you yet. Even though you never gave me the chance, I’m not ready to throw in the towel.
We met studying abroad. That’s when it hit me. We had had a class together freshman year but didn’t even realize the other's existence. As soon as you opened your mouth and revealed your witty sense of humor and cute mid-western accent I wanted to be your best friend. And that is exactly how it started. I had a fatty friend crush on you. I didn’t see you in the romantic sense and yet I wanted to spend every second with you. You were nice and charming and funny. And as we spent weekends traveling to new places I got to learn little things about you. Like how you are afraid of birds after freaking out when we fed the pigeons in San Marcos Square in Venice. Or how you have the biggest sweet tooth and could never turn down a gelato.
Unfortunately, we weren’t living in the same building and we didn’t have any of the same classes so I went over a month without seeing you. I had pushed you to the back of my head and almost even forgotten about you. It’s a shame that I didn’t, it’s a shame that I almost did. You resurfaced in my life in December. It was not only you who had surfaced, but new feelings did as well. The last night before Christmas break you looked into my eyes and told me that you were a better person when you were with me. Was that only drunken flattery or are you too afraid to admit that it might be true?
We talked briefly once over break. It was friendly, light conversation and I was filled with excitement at this blossoming friendship and the adventures it would bring when we were back at school. I thought you felt the same.
Before I continue I must elaborate. This isn’t a normal crush. This is an “I’m suddenly back in the fourth grade and I can’t help but tell everyone about you” crush. But what I didn’t tell others was that even though we were still practically strangers I could see a future with you. I imagined you meeting my whole family and how they would say they’ve never met a nicer young man. I saw us showing each other our hometowns and sharing our childhood dreams. I could actually see myself marrying you and how great of a husband and a father you would be. I had gotten too attached too fast. I drowned in those deep brown eyes of yours. How could I have misread the signs that much? How could I have let myself get that swept up in it all? How could you run away from me the second you picked up on the fact that I now looked at you a little differently? Do you even have the slightest clue? I know that you aren’t a ladies man. You haven’t dated anyone your entire college career. And I’m the same way. But maybe it’s time you opened yourself up to the possibility. I finally opened up for you.
I took a chance. I put myself out there for you time and time again. And what did you do? You repeatedly left me hanging. You filled me up with promise and then let me down hard. I know I should give up on you already. But when I think I’m about to, you surprise me in the tiniest way and pull me right back in. And that part of my soul deep down inside that’s attached to you is just too stubborn to surrender.
I’m here. I’m waiting. I’ll keep trying.
Save yourself some trouble and give me a chance?
-a.
